


it'll be alright (just let it out)

by baejyn



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, i think??, jungwoo's a stressed out student, trigger warning for anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:34:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28077051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baejyn/pseuds/baejyn
Summary: jungwoo's thoughts are going a thousand miles per hour, and youngho's there to help slow them down(jungwoo is a stressed out student and youngho's a good boyfriend)
Relationships: Kim Jungwoo/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	it'll be alright (just let it out)

**Author's Note:**

> all my love to mariana for reading this and helping out with the title, ily  
> 

Jungwoo has lost count of how many times he’s felt like crying in the middle of class. He’s felt the burn in his eyes and the lump in his throat more times these past few weeks than he did in his first three years of college, and he’s not even halfway through the semester. Today could be the one hundredth or the one thousandth time for all he knows. 

He checks his phone. Only twenty minutes left. His brain shut off not even twenty minutes into the three hour lecture, but it honestly feels like it’s been going on for days. It’s not like he’s not trying to pay attention, he really is, but it’s so frustrating. He understands each word the professor says on its own, but put together? Jungwoo has no idea what anything means. 

Once class is over, all Jungwoo wants is to go home. He still has yet another long ass lecture, but he can’t sit through one more class, _and_ try to pay attention, _and_ hold back his tears, so he decides to pretend class got cancelled (because he’s truly trying to learn and doesn't like skipping) and goes straight to his apartment. 

It’s still five o´clock, so Youngho shouldn’t be home yet. Jungwoo loves and trusts his boyfriend very much, but he hates the thought of other people seeing him cry. Objectively he knows there’s nothing wrong with crying, but he doesn’t want anyone to know how stressed out he is, and having them think he’s weak, or incompetent, or stupid. It’s enough that he thinks that of himself already. 

(And maybe that’s why lately he’s been feeling like crying more than usual, and why his heartbeat never seems to slow down, and why he’s exhausted and unmotivated all the time. Maybe he should talk to someone.)

The walk home seems never-ending, and he’s barely stepped one foot through the door when he finally lets himself cry. Every time he felt stupid for not following his professors, every time he felt useless after comparing his achievements to his classmates’, every time he felt lost because he doesn’t know how to prepare for the future, it all comes crashing down on him. It’s comforting, even, this familiar feeling of letting out all these pent up emotions. He’s grown so used to bottling it all up and then letting it all out and then carrying on and pretending nothing happened after a good crying session, he’s not sure how else to handle it. 

“Jungwoo?” He hears Youngho’s voice.

Jungwoo forces himself to stop sobbing for a second and tries to wipe his tears. 

“I thought you were still in class.” He says, but he’s sure his hoarse voice gives him away. 

“It got cancelled.” Youngho comes out of their room, and even though Jungwoo tries to hide his face, Youngho knows him well enough. He’s immediately holding Jungwoo. 

“Baby, what’s wrong? Did something happen?” Youngho is looking at him with so much concern in his eyes, and his touch is so warm and caring as he leads Jungwoo to the couch, Jungwoo feels his eyes fill up again. Not only does he feel dumb and weak, he now feels guilty for worrying Youngho. 

“I’m sorry,” Jungwoo whispers, and Youngho pulls him close. “It’s nothing, I promise,” but he contradicts himself when he just starts crying again. 

Youngho lets him cry, and Jungwoo curls himself into Youngho’s lap. The room is quiet except for Jungwoo's sobs and whenever he tries to catch his breath, and the soft murmurs of _it’s alright, baby, let it out_ , Youngho whispers as he rubs soothing circles into Jungwoo’s back. Jungwoo wishes it were true, he wishes everything could be alright. It’s too much, living with himself and all these thoughts every single day. He’s not sure he can take it for much longer.

“What’s going on?” Youngho asks again.

“It’s just,” he tries, “I just—” He doesn’t even know where to start. Just the thought of even beginning to explain everything to Youngho sends his heart racing and he struggles to catch his breath. 

“Baby, look at me, breathe with me, okay?” Youngho takes deep, slow breaths, and Jungwoo follows, focusing on breathing in and out, in and out. 

Soon enough, his heart slows down, matching his breaths. He squeezes Youngho’s hand.

“Everything is so hard.” Jungwoo tries once more, his mind a little clearer now. His thoughts start forming into words with a little more ease. “I feel like I have no idea what’s going on in any of my classes, in my life. I feel so stupid all the time. I have no idea if it’s all even worth it, because I feel like I’m not cut for any of this, I don’t even know if I even like my major. It feels like I should have it all figured out by now, but instead I feel so directionless.” His tears betray him again, but this time they’re just a few. 

He’s surprised to find he’s more relieved than anything, of finally saying all these things out loud. 

Youngho gives him one last tight hug and then looks Jungwoo straight in the eye.

“You’re not stupid, Jungwoo” He’s about to retort, but Youngho speaks a little faster. “You’re one of the smartest, most hard-working people I know. It’s even why I fell in love with you. You’re so passionate, so dedicated to everything you set your mind to.”

“Do you mean it?”

“Of course I do. You don’t even have to know what you’re going to do with your life, Jungwoo, you’re only twenty-two. You have all the time in the world to figure it out.”

“Do you know? What you want to do, I mean.”

“I’m not sure, but I’m trying to get there. I think we all are. And just know, baby, I’ll always, always, be there for you, every step of the way. You don’t have to do this alone, Jungwoo.” He brushes Jungwoo’s bangs away from his face, his fingers soft against Jungwoo’s cheek. 

“Thank you,” Jungwoo whispers, and leans in to kiss Youngho’s lips. Their kiss is tender, a little salty from his own tears, but it’s comforting, and Jungwoo relishes in this tiny moment, in how much he loves Youngho and how loved he feels, and how good it felt to have talked to someone.

“I love you a lot, Youngho” Jungwoo whispers.

“I love you more, Woo.”

☁️

Later that night, when they’re in bed watching a movie (after eating take-out from Jungwoo’s favorite sushi place and a late night ice cream run to the convenience store down the block), Jungwoo realizes he’s never felt as light as he feels now. Talking about how he’s been feeling was such a relief. He makes a mental note to make an appointment with a therapist tomorrow, and vows to try to feel a little lighter each passing day.

**Author's Note:**

> tag urself i'm jungwoo wanting to cry in the middle of class  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/suh_inlove)


End file.
